Throughout my life, I have noticed many things that used to be secrets come out into the open. Some of them should have stayed hidden, I think. But there is still one thing that people do not like to discuss—grief. It is like a big, awkward elephant in the room. When someone mentions it, everyone gets quiet or tries to comfort you with, "There, there, everything will be OK." And I understand, really, I do.
When I was growing up, no one talked about death or grief for more than the time it took to go to a funeral or stand by a grave. People would say things like, "He lost his wife," "She lost her child," or "Her mom died when she was young." But nobody talked about what happened next—the grief, sadness, and the emptiness.
But we need to talk about it. We need to be aware of and learn about it. Like my husband says, "No one gets out of here alive." Everyone will experience grief at some point.
I hope the people you have lost have had long, fulfilling lives and are ready to go. I hope you have said goodbye and said everything you need to say so you do not feel more grief and sadness than just missing them. But you never know. None of us have control over when or how it happens. Even in places like church, where you would think it would be OK to talk about life, death, and grief, it still makes people uncomfortable.
Of course, there are support groups for grieving people. They can be helpful because the people there understand what you are going through. But most of the time, we are surrounded by people who do not understand us. Just a little openness, a little education, and a little understanding can make an enormous difference. So, for the next few weeks, I will write about grief. What it feels like for parents who have lost a child, and how friends, family, teachers, and churches can help.
We are not looking for pity or special treatment. We want people to understand, care, and listen to our stories.
