Before my daughter died, I rarely had trouble falling asleep at night. I had never associated insomnia with myself until now. The grief of losing a child is profoundly exhausting. Despite my extreme fatigue, I often found myself unable to sleep. Lying in bed in the dark, my mind races uncontrollably. Without the distractions of daily life, unwanted images and thoughts seem to invade my consciousness and torment me. I am working to reframe these thoughts and find relief.
To cope with these long, restless nights, I have developed a few strategies to help with the challenge of falling asleep:
- First, I only go to bed when I am truly exhausted and ready to sleep. I stay physically active throughout the day to prepare my body for rest. Regular exercise helps tire me out, making it easier to fall asleep later.
- Second, I consciously avoid caffeinated beverages after lunch and refrain from eating heavy foods after the afternoon. Caffeine and rich foods can disrupt sleep patterns, so I try to limit their intake to ensure my body is in the best state for recovery.
- Another essential strategy is to be selective about what I listen to, watch, or read before bed. I aim to fill my mind with inspiring thoughts and images and avoid anything that might cause pain or anxiety. This helps create a calmer mental environment when I close my eyes.
- I also keep a notepad and pen by my bed to write down any thoughts or reminders that come to mind before sleep. Planning ahead and organizing my thoughts for the next day helps calm my mind and prevents it from racing as I try to fall asleep.
- Overcoming fear is another important factor. I use a nightlight in the bathroom to add a soft glow to the room. I keep my phone close to feel connected, especially if I need to make an emergency call. Cuddling my daughter's favorite stuffed animal also provides great comfort and a sense of companionship.
- When I turn off the lights and go to bed, I intentionally focus on trusting God to help me sleep. Psalm 3:5 resonates with me: "I lie down to sleep, and I wake up safely, for the Lord is watching over me." This verse reminds me that support and strength are available even in my darkest moments.
- If I wake up in the middle of the night, I try to memorize a Bible passage, hum a hymn, or engage in a mentally stimulating task like planning or reminiscing. These activities help induce fatigue and distract me from distressing images.
- If I can't fall asleep within 30 minutes, I start the day, no matter how early. Although this can be stressful, getting through the day usually leads to better sleep the following night. Sleep is essential for our health, and finding ways to achieve it is crucial for coping with grief.
If sleep deprivation persists for more than two weeks, it's important to seek medical advice. There is no shame in asking for help. Many short-term, non-habit-forming treatments can promote sleep without impeding the necessary work of grief.
Henry Ward Beecher said, "We sleep, but the loom of life never stops, and the patterns formed at sunset are formed at sunrise." Rest is essential; when we get it, we are better equipped to handle daily challenges with greater resilience.
