I’ve never liked conflict. My personality and life experiences have shaped me into a natural peacemaker. I’ve always tried to avoid arguments and keep everyone happy. Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers,” I’ve taken that to heart. But Jesus wasn’t afraid to speak up or cause a stir when it was necessary to make things right. The difference is that I’ve often been a peace-at-all-costs kind of person. While that may sound noble, it’s not healthy.
A while back, I came across a quote that made me think: “You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.” That stopped me in my tracks because it perfectly described how I used to live. I would sacrifice my feelings, needs, and well-being to keep the peace and make others comfortable. I thought it was the right thing to do, but looking back, I see how much it wore me down.
Losing Texa has changed me in so many ways. Grief has been a brutal teacher, but it’s helping me find my voice. I’m learning to stand up for myself, not selfishly or arrogantly, but in a way that is true to who I am. I’ve realized it’s okay to tell people how I feel and what I genuinely need from them. This doesn’t mean I’ve stopped caring about others. It just means I’ve found a healthier way to show that care.
Now, I let others take responsibility for keeping themselves warm. I still offer support when I can—a kind word, a listening ear, or a little comfort, like a blanket or a cup of hot chocolate. But I’ve stopped sacrificing my heart and energy on the altar of “keeping the peace” at all costs. It’s not my job to fix everything for everyone; I’m finally okay with that.
